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and i'll bring up this story here

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because uh nothing cleanses the palette

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like

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a police story and police say a man was

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masturbating when he crashed in fresno

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so this is a fresno story people you

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probably can get involved if you're uh

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out there in fresno you ever do that joe

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you ever drive a car and just start

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pounding off and crash your car

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i you know i wish

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it's on my bucket list some on your on

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things to do yeah

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okay well here here is the news report

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here uh

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let's have some fun let's listen to this

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and fresno county took in

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odd turn this morning

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says 31 year old osborne vasilena hit

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two cars near herndon and riverside then

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got out of his car and walked off the

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sheriff's office says he also pulled

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down his pants and started masturbating

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in broad daylight by the crash a deputy

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detained him near dickie's barbecue

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no one was hurt american ambulance did

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show up to make sure everyone was okay

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vasilian's car was towed away from the

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area he was cited for misdemeanor hit

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and run one of the man who was hit

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posted about what's that graduate i'll

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just go i'll finish it up i have some

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questions on tick tock showing the

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scratches on his mustang the really bad

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damage to another truck and debris

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scattered across the road as fresno

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police investigated he caught video of

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vasilian appearing to touch himself what

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you saw right there before he i'll pause

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it right there

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literally so the guy crashes his car

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gets out

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he's standing up next to like the car

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crash and starts pounding off in the

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middle of the street

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oh yeah

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yeah this is this is so that's one of my

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questions was was was this pru was this

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was he doing this before the accident

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yeah

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i don't i don't i never leave a job

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unfinished is what he was yeah i think

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that's what he's like so maybe he

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started it's not distracted

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wrecked got out figured i better finish

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it off because i've got a half chop

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going anyway

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um

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i got nothing better dude i'm waiting

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for the kids i'd like to know why they

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didn't play up the fact that they

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stopped him near a dickies barbecue

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there you go

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so what the hell penis man

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i'm imagining that yeah he was driving

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down the street he was pumping off he

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got into a crash and says listen i've

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done all this work

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and

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i got it

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i've come this far i got to

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complete the the task i gotta i got to

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keep going

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and so he did he's a

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hey he he finishes was he starts well

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also wasn't there an entire

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um movie what was it called crash

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about people who were sexually excited

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by car act getting getting in car

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accidents yeah so maybe this is this is

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the only way this guy can get off and

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i'll finish up this news report only 10

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seconds left away from police going

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right through traffic and nearly getting

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hit by two different cars turning onto

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riverside

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stop pumping

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uh yeah this guy walked away uh

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pounding uh

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his pecker uh choking his chicken

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this guy he he he

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he can do it like i like he's not

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frightened like he uh maybe he is this

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is some sort of fetish like crutches

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says like he only gets off when he's in

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these uh situations he's like uh he's

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like he's into being seen he's in the

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peeping he's in the being peeped and he

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likes this kind of thing

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his name what gear does he put his car

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in

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i want to see if there's his name so we

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can give him a call

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no there's no uh there's no name

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attached to this just yet yeah

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that movie is crash though not to be

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confused with that shitty one that won

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an oscar for being woke but uh

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this is david cronenberg who

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actually a really interesting director

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there are two movies called crash really

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yeah yeah that one crash that came out

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like in 99 or 2000 which i was like uh

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what and then it's like snow's in la and

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it's all about how people are racist i'm

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thinking about the one with james spader

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whichever one that is named spader yeah

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that's the one yeah it's a lot harder to

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find but yeah it's it's all about

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symphony

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philly acts who are sexually aroused by

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car crashes group of

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i know i'm i'm looking through this

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article i'll list that on my uh my hr

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record

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yeah according to fox 26 news uh

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they didn't do a follow-up to see if he

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actually

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did orgasm

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did he finish

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there's no indication here's just poor

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reporting here can i taste your juice oh

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my god

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i don't think there's any juice to be

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had i think it's on the the floorboards

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of the car if you want to if you want

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the juice

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right there is csi going to show up and

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yeah

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i don't understand you're a

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disappointment this week well

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he's trying to get some trying to get

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some work done there so

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i am interested there should be a

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follow-up these are the kinds of stories

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we really need to focus on

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i think so like why wouldn't you ask

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that question or at least ask the the

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the people in charge there's like listen

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you got into a car crash obviously

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there's video tick tock video this guy

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pounding his pud and did it did he

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actually do it that's dna evidence that

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this occurred like you'd figure that the

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police would want to collect that

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i would love to be on the jury for this

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one

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and just keep asking clarify keep asking

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questions over and over

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now but did he come

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yes this is important where did it come

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i did find this is a crime scene photo i

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did find a photo of the inside of his

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car this is from the from the police is

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he a grower or a shower

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oh crazy that just looks disgusting

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whatever that is it looks like some like

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five milkshakes exploded in a car

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this guy's he's been at it for this is

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why he crashed he couldn't see out the

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windshield he'd been at this all

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afternoon holy crap

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i jerked off in front of 14 year olds

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that's what this guy was doing

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it's it's like that my favorite south

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park with stan and the porn nobody has

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yeah it's exactly what it is

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ectoplasm is a ghost

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ah boy um

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let's uh let's move on here a little bit

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yes please let's get it let's get it

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done

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[Music]

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[Applause]

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and got this one story uh from taiwan i

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think taiwan's going to be in the news a

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lot coming up here yeah it does not look

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good for taiwan if they're their entire

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if formosa's entire existence has been

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based on the threat of

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of retaliation from the united states

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and we just got pushed over by four guys

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on a golf cart in afghanistan yeah it

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doesn't it doesn't look good no no it

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doesn't by the way where's mom we can't

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even find mom okay he pulled all the

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troops out of afghanistan to go look for

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mom

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yeah

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so we can't even find mom there's no way

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we're helping out the taiwan when china

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comes knocking on their door

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but this is a different kind of

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taiwanese story this is 40 of taiwanese

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report strange encounters at work during

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ghost month

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now i didn't know uh taiwan had a ghost

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month but apparently they do is it like

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black history month uh

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good question can i get a day off for

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that yes like pride month is there a

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ghost parade

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and by pride month you mean all

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coca-cola is ghost fl ghost themed

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that's it

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we'll find out i guess here so 31 admit

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that they don't dare work overtime alone

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at their company during the festival so

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uh this is taipei survey results reveal

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40 percent of taiwanese workers had

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strange encounters while working

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overtime alone in the office during

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ghost month

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surveys by

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123 people well a survey by yes 123 i

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guess is a survey company was completed

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by over 1200 professionals they found

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that 30 percent said

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they would routinely consult the lunar

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calendar while scheduling tasks to avoid

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inauspicious days during the time of

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heightened supernatural activity

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according to the udn report

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uh i can't say i i fault him i'd

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probably do the same thing you know

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that's a probably pretty common practice

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of those who reported uh experiencing

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strange encounters the most common were

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an eerie sound emanating from the office

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that's 70 percent of people

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uh they also uh people reported felt a

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shadow flash in the office corner 50

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or they heard footsteps approaching but

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saw no one that's 37

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office lights flashing on and off uh

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office windows suddenly opened on its

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own some also reported hearing a flush

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when sitting on the office toilet

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now the ghosts are like abusing their

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toilets now i guess so they have uh some

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toilet ghosts over there are they are

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they holding it all year until they come

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out during ghost month

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i guess that's the only time that they

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can actually do anything but maybe

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but they also uh never got [\h__\h] so bad

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they also uh experienced silence after

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answering the phone and the last one

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with only nine percent of people

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experiencing uh elevator stopping on

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office building floors without anyone

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who called it

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oh come on

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this is just a troll at this point you

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could literally just

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hook up a string to steve's uh you know

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pencil over there and i'm going to pull

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on it it's at 7 30 p.m

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just [\h__\h] with them what does steve do

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to yeah he's scared of ghosts

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it's ghost month i wouldn't that be the

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thing ghost month

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oh here's a good one it'd be like you

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know it's like april fool's day i gotta

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have something oh i see you're like what

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you're taking

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what what months what what month is

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ghost month

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the seventh month of the lunar calendar

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okay means late summer so usually july

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august september depending on where the

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lunar calendar falls or where the lunar

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new year falls because remember that

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moves around too

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so i'm reading up on it here it says the

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gates of hell open allowing evil spirits

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to roam the land of the living

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so locals have devised ways to appease

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the ghosts and ensure a relatively safe

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month temples are visited ghost money is

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burned and food is left outside the

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house as an offering that's right so

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there you go do ghosts need a vaccine

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passport oh yes are they vaccinated

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and are the are the ghosts wearing masks

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this year

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well for companies looking to purge

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their office of unwanted ominous

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activity and conduct business as usual

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holdings

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holding a traditional

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poo do ceremony to show respect for the

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spirits and make food offerings is

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considered the obvious choice

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could they just call the ghostbusters

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they could they could call bill murray

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or dan aykroyd and they could they could

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get that done sure

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they're pretty expensive they usually

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have to fly them over to taiwan it's

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probably pretty well booked that month

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too yeah they probably would be and if i

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have to do this what you call hoodoo

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ceremony

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yeah it's the pudu p-u-d-u now do i put

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that on my like google calendar or my

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lunar calendar and how do i invite my

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friends and can i put together like a a

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a wish list

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for like gifs you mean a wish.com list

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some well i don't know what do they do

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when you get the registry or for the

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weddings and [\h__\h] i want a ghost monster

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ghost ghost registry voodoo registry

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yeah so i'm going to burn all my ghost

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money

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and all that [\h__\h]

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yeah we need to get rid of these ghosts

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and so then you can bring me i don't

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know some blueberry cereal okay the

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goblin

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so here's a note here that says um

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there are also a list of things locals

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will not do during this month fearing

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that to to do any of them will either

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attract the attention of evil spirits or

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bring bad luck including swimming going

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out at night tapping people on the

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shoulder turning your head

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getting married buying a new house

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moving into a new house

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opening a new business or getting in a

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car wreck while jerking off okay i was

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gonna ask but so that's completely

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allowed okay

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ghosts do not like that

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yeah you might become a ghost if you do

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that

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how how he's centering the afterlife how

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spooky is that the noise you're here in

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the office late at night you're that guy

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oh yeah

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[\h__\h] so bad

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oh it's a ghost

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i know that sound anywhere light a match

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taiwan sounds spooky and crazy yeah do

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not go during ghost month yeah i hope

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the chinese does invade get rid of those

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ghosts

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my god

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if your hoodoo ritual ain't this lit

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don't even invite me

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yeah we need people jacking off and

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dying on the spot

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yep that's what we do in america

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give us an email at our big thumbnail up

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gmail.com check out obdmport.com

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for all the social media and donation

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links